A Look Into the Way My Mind Works
If you’ve ever thought that something I’ve written was a little odd or hard to understand you’re about to get some insight. Back in college I took part in a psychological experiment for one of my classes. I got extra credit for it, but it was also interesting. I don’t know exactly what the experiment was intended for, but it did tell me something interesting about myself. It has now been scientifically proven that I think along different lines of logic than most humans; I arrive at logical conclusions differently from other people. I don’t remember what the exact numbers were, but the majority was something in the high 80’s. In other words, I’m in a category of slightly more than 10% of all humans that don’t think like the rest. What exactly that means I’m not real sure. Does that include the mentally retarded? The genius level? Does the 100% include only average humans - my intellectual peers? I can’t answer that, I only know I’m quantifiably not normal.
What I do know is that people misread my body language on a regular basis. People think I’m nervous when I’m not or vice-versa (though part of the latter misconception comes from experience as a public speaker), they think I’m bored when I’m riveted or happy when I’m disgusted. It’s kind of funny sometimes, but it caused me to get in trouble for no reason as a kid, and has gotten me yelled at or penalized in some ways as an adult. Now, I can’t say for sure that this stems from whatever it is in my brain that makes me think differently than everybody else, but I can't help wondering. Maybe there's a whole patch of weird wiring up there, unrelated other than being in the same skull.
So, am I writing this to whine that my body language doesn’t have an astute translator? Not at all, there are more relevant issues here. Naturally, if my mind follows odd paths, and I’m spending a lot of time imagining stories to write then leading you on a journey through some fictional character’s life, I’m going to be dragging you along those odd paths, too. What ends up happening is I express my ideas in ways that don’t make sense to some people or structure my sentences in ways that make the reader need to look at them two or three times. English classes tended to be interesting because my teachers usually either loved my papers immensely or looked at me like I had no business holding a pen. I did have to explain myself a few times, but I was lucky enough to have some teachers that were very creative and accepting of my eccentricities.
My wife once asked me if I reveled in being different. Actually I do. Whatever my differences are I firmly believe that it was God's doing and that he doesn't make mistakes. I appreciate the fact that he spent the time putting together all my little oddities to accomplish whatever task he has for me in life. Maybe if I thought like the other eighty-something percent of people in the world I never would have written "Adjectives" which has touched lives in ways I could never have fathomed.
Now, here I am looking at publication no longer only as a poet, but also as a storyteller. That might make an interesting topic itself: the organization of thoughts in the different mediums. The visualization I get when I think about the differences is distinct if only in my own mind with a poem being made up of stars here and there; they’re scattered every which way, some closer than others, some brighter, but that doesn’t keep them from forming a beautiful constellation. A story I see as more like a road, maybe twisting and branching, but always solid and moving. The reader must be able to follow more precisely what I’m trying to say and make sense out of the descriptions I give. You can be left to ponder a poem for long periods of time and still get great enjoyment out of it, but if you don’t get the point of a story you’re more likely to wonder why you wasted your time on it. You can still be left to ponder the implications of what you read, but you need to be able to see the path you’ve traveled even if only in hindsight.
My guess is that my oddities will either make me an interesting read, different and refreshing or do little more than cause people to get irritated with me. Who can say at this point? Hopefully this web site will help me answer that question. What do you think? Do you find yourself getting irritated because you’re having to read lines two and three times? Do you find yourself intrigued by an unusual presentation of ideas? Or do you think I’m full of hot air because I’m really no different than the next clone who thinks people actually view him as having some originality? This is reader response time so click on jackiechad00@alltel.net and give me your 2 cents’ worth.